Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have fence marks all over my body
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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