This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
