Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize