I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
