Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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