You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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