i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hippo gnu deer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
