OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
