If i come over, it means nothing
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a bag of teeth...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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