I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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