At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You ruined the universe
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
