I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
