Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
