Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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