Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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