listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
