no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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