News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
