While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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