No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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