Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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