i think my tv is drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
