you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.