around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived