she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability