he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.