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Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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