Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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