sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD