Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused