Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees