how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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