Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
