so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
