I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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