I can tuck mytits in my pants
I puked a lego.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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