You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
