If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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