I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
