When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
