3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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