I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize