As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
