She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
