Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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