I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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