All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
