I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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