Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
