That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
