yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
