I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
