The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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