if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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