new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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