we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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