the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
