She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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