it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
