It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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