I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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