I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
