his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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