So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
