Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
