I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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